Take a second look!

We have lived across the street from each other for over 30 years. Several years ago, her husband had a stroke. Her six kids have been quite attentive to their father’s needs. They take turns keeping him in their homes for weeks at a time. They take him to the doctor, physical therapy and they have all changed their families eating habits to accommodate his health needs.

Yet, they have forgotten about their mother. I began to see changes in her about a year after his stroke. At first, I thought that it was stress. A woman who took her appearance seriously was wearing slippers to the store. Our past exchanges were seldom lengthy as she was always in a rush with such a huge family. However, during the last two years she has ignored my hellos, walking past me as though she didn’t know me, left in the middle of her own sentence, or left without answering my question about her husband’s health.

I became somewhat suspicious. Last week I spoke with her eldest daughter who accused her mother of jealousy and anger due to the families concern about their father. “Mom has become rude. I cannot believe it. She doesn’t return calls. She hasn’t come to appointments. She’s even claimed that she’s unaware that she promised she would take Dad for the day or baby sit with one of the preschoolers. We all angry with her, for goodness sake we are taking care of Dad to make it easier for her. She disappears for an entire day and she’s not keeping the house in order. My god she’s rebelling like a teenager!”

I asked a few questions. My neighbor's dismissiveness of me was simply coincidental with her husband’s illness. Her entire family was so focused on their father that they had been overlooking the fact that their mom was suffering some form of dementia.